This is what happens when I don't get comments. Sassy + plastic wine bottle. Don't make me drink straight out of a plastic wine bottle. Leave me comments!
Hi Lillian! First, before I get into the nitty gritty of what I thought about your storybook introduction and cover page, I just have to say that I love the picture you put on this post. Alright, so I chose you as my free pass this week because I was immediately intrigued by your storybook title. I enjoy The Beatles and have seen The Yellow Submarine movie many times so I was curious to see if your title related to that because I couldn't see it relating to anything else. I was not disappointed! I love your website design and that picture on your cover page is awesome! As for your introduction, I am seriously excited to see where this goes! I've never read a storybook where the narrator is free-spirited and open to experimenting with mind-altering drugs. It's so cool that your whole storybook is going to be based on flashbacks from drug trips. I thought you did a great job and can't wait to read your next story!
Such sass. Much wine. Where were you at when you took this picture? It looks much too classy to be anywhere in Oklahoma, but I could be wrong. Anywho, about the storybook: you were in my assigned project comments this week, but I'm glad I got someone with such an intriguing storybook project AND a great way of telling stories. To be honest, I'm not heavy into the Beatles, but I've always wanted to watch the Yellow Submarine because.... well, it definitely looks like a 'trip' (hahaha). I have no idea what your project is about, but so far from what I've read in the intro, it's going to be very memorable. Your writing style has a way of drawing the reader in and once I got to the end I was like, "Wait, what?! That can't be it! Give me MOAR!" Needless to say, I'm very excited for your next installment and can't wait to see where you take us!
Alrighty...where do I begin? First of all, I chose your Storybook as my free choice based solely on your Storybook title. I was thinking...What in the world is this storyline going to be about? Lol Second, I'm still wondering where your storyline is going, but I'm also excited to find out as you continue adding material to your site. Next, your color choices & pictures absolutely fit perfectly with your Title. They are vivid and colorful (dare I say Psychodelic) and that's typically what a drug induced haze is all about, right? Lastly, You have a way with words and an innate ability to draw your readers in with even the slightest tug. You had me intrigued just by your Title and even furthermore interested after reading your Introduction. Bravo to you! I will most definitely become "addicted" to reading and rereading your story as it develops.
I chose your story as my free choice because the title caught my eyes. Right when I saw it I immediately thought of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and I was very happy when it involved The Beatles and along with rad 60’s print! You did an awesome job for creating an appealing site, style and story plot! I feel like we need more information on this character so the reader can be hooked onto the story. I would make a big opening paragraph about the character in general and why he was interested in collecting The Beatles memorabilia. Also why does he write about conspiracy theories and what types of jobs has this man taken in his life? Why does he want to buy the submarine? Is he still a hippie? Does he still experiment in the drug world? By adding a few sentences to explain those it might create a greater attraction for the readers. Hope these comments help and I can’t read to continue this story to find out what is going on with him!
Wine, always wine. Especially when it's out of a plastic bottle. So far this is easily the most fun and creative storybook yet. Awesome fun and bright color that stay true to The Beatles original theme and style during this period of time.
Introduction: First off, the voice of your character is very clear. Establishing that right away is very important. Without explaining it, I can see what this guy looks like, the clothes he wears, his house, his couch, what he watches on the TV. Everything about his personality has been established in such a short amount of text, which is awesome! Also, I love that you ended this section in a way that made me want to come back and read next week! The drug and cultural reference are what makes the story all encompassing of its style. I'm hooked! I hope you expand on the man's other blog "Paul is dead". A suggestion would be to name the name, it might help the audience connect even more with him.
First of all, can I just say that the name of your project is absolutely epic! I decided to read your project post as my one random free pick simply on the basis of the name of your title. I think effective titles should grab the readers attentions from the get go, as it is frequently the first impression. That being said your title is certainly effective so good job!
Secondly, I love the layout of your project page. The bright colors and the art work you’ve selected really make your pages pop off the screen.
I can’t wait to see the direction you plan on taking with your project. I thought your introduction was very relaxed and well written as you eased into the starting elements of your project. I hope your project progresses well as you continue to expand on it and add more stories to this awesome idea!
I knew the second that I saw the title of your story I was going to find it interesting. The picture on the homepage, as well as the background and font color, all go perfectly with what you're going for. I'm also enormously interested in seeing the type of person that actually purchases a vintage yellow submarine and drives around in it. I thought you really brought out the interesting and borderline crazy aspects of your main character well with comments about things like Paul McCartney conspiracy theories and spelling the actual wording of LSD. I am very curious to see where the stories actually develop to. I never really thought about basing mine on something as recent as the Beatles, but I'm sure once you toss psychedelic drugs in there it will be plenty interesting haha. I'm also trying to imagine a man on LSD driving around actual streets in a yellow submarine car and it's honestly pretty frightening.
I decided to visit your blog after seeing the title of your portfolio. It was really eye catching and intriguing so great job with that! I’m excited to see what kinds of stories you post here because it seems like these will be extremely original and unique stories. I also really liked the design you chose for your LSD in a Yellow Submarine page. The colors are perfect for what it is and I really like the psychedelic yellow submarine picture that incorporates tons of color. I have to say, The Beatles is an all-time favorite, so is Sir Paul McCartney. You did a great job of drawing people into your portfolio. I also thought your comments wall page was pretty funny. Most people, myself included, just have a short bit about leaving comments but yours had a personal note which I enjoyed. But hey, there’s no shame in drinking wine out of a plastic bottle, we’ve all been there.
Hey, Lillian! Firstly, I just want you to know that I chose your Storybook as my free choice because of how awesome your title is. Then I clicked on the link...and felt like I made the right decision even more. Your home page fits the title perfectly, and if someone ever decides they need to wake up a little bit, all they have to do is stare at that brightness for a little bit. It's great.
I also really loved your introduction. You just made it sound so real that I wouldn't be surprised if you had actually brought the submarine. Your writing style is full of wit and charm, and I can't wait to see what you come up with for the rest of your Storybook. The breaks in your paragraphs are perfectly spaced, and you seem to have a really strong grasp on grammar. Great job, and I can't wait to read more!
Like everyone else above me, I chose yours as the free choice for the project comments after seeing your title! I wanted to see how you made LSD fit into the design of your storybook, and you definitely succeeded with the bright yellow and psychedelic picture on the cover page!
Your introduction is cleverly written and I can hear the words being spoken by an old man. Nice work on the technical details of the drugs he's used with LSD and MDA. I'd never heard of MDA, so I figured you had meant the much more common MDMA, but after a quick Google they're apparently different! I try to learn something new every day, and this happened to be the one thing I've learned today! So thanks for that! I like how you tied his old ways into the new world he lives in by contrasting buying things on eBay to his former sex, drugs and rock n' roll lifestyle. Awesome work so far!
I was (apparently) one of many who chose to read your storybook for the free choice project comments, and I feel like I'm reiterating a lot of what was already said, but your bright yellow background and trippy homepage picture certainly made me want to read your story. Your introduction was quite interesting, and that was quite the impulse buy... If only I had enough money to consider £30,000 an impulse buy. My main suggestion for content is that you combine paragraphs four and five, as well as six and seven. For either of those suggested combinations, there is no change of topic between the two paragraphs, so I feel that combining them would make the story flow a bit better. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your story so far, and I look forward to reading what happened next. (Great lead-in to what comes next, by the way.)
You were my free choice story board comment because the title immediately grabbed my attention. I thought the story was great and the character had an awesome sense of humor. I liked that you gave the scientific names for the drugs to prove that the character was sarcastic, but an actual dope head.
The set up of your page fits perfectly with your title and content. It kept me entertained and made the reading a lot easier to scroll through. I'm excited to read more of your story as it is definitely interesting.
Hello my sass master friend! I couldn't go through this entire class and not comment on SOMETHING of yours, so naturally, I had to choose your storybook because, well...obvious reasons. The fact that you incorporated The Beatles and LSD into your storyline - genius. I love the background, couldn't be more perfect for the idea you're gearing up for. I also loved the picture of the eBay ad. Also, the whole mention of the Paul McCartney "Paul is Dead" conspiracy thing is hilarious. There's a "mockumentary" about that entire conspiracy, and let me tell you, it's awesome. You should watch it. You basically nailed the grammar, paragraph transitions, and all that jazz, so there's not a whole lot that I can suggest to you to change. You can betcha I'll be back to check out your next few stories. Keep on keepin' on, my grilled cheese makin' friend! P.S. That insta looks awfully familiar ;)
Okay sorry for the multiple comments, but I forgot to mention the fact that you used the drug's full chemical names was an excellent choice. #sciencegeeks #microbiologynerds
O my goodness! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your home page!!!!! It is so bright and retro. It’s wonderful. Your title is so intriguing. As the reader you have already drawn me in with the homepage and the title. Ha ha this is awesome!! Your character development is incredible. I can perfectly picture this man in my head and already have started figuring out how he thinks. I truly can’t wait to see what his experiences are on his new yellow submarine bicycle will be. I think this introduction perfectly introduces your main character, storybook topic, and next story. I find myself wondering how you came up with this character. Having never done drugs myself, I find this story culturally enlightening. I don’t know what an LSD vision would even begin to look like so I’m excited to find out something new (without having to physically damage my brain or go to jail).
Lillian! Hey sister friend! I have been so excited to look at your storybook since I saw the name of it. Pretty super cool to make your storybook based off of psychedelics and the sort. Also, pretty pumped you included the scientific names of the drugs (so science, much chemistry).
I really like how your stories are featuring the Beatles characters in them. Such a cool aspect. I like that it seems like you're keeping a very light and fun attitude and tone throughout the book. It really echoes with the effects of the drugs you are writing about and makes the stories and the theme seem so cohesive.
There were a couple of grammar errors in the first story that I noticed, I think you left out a "that" in one of the first sentences, and I think in the phrase "eddy and flow" eddy should be ebb? Not a tide enthusiast haha so I might be wrong on that one. Other than that your writing looks great, and I'm really excited to read the rest of your stories!
You were in my assigned group but I was immediately interested in your story based solely on the title. I figured that the story would be fairly interesting. I'll start with your home page. I have to say that I absolutely love that picture! It is quite trippy but fits in perfectly with your theme. I also think that you chose the perfect background to go with your story. I read your introduction and your first story. I felt a little lost after the introductory story. I think that adding just a little more detail about who the main character is would help with understanding the story. Other than that, I really enjoyed this crazy adventure that it appears the guy is going to have. I am interested to know what happens beyond the first story. I will definitely have to return to your storybook once you have added more to it. It seems like it is going to be really good.
Alright, I read your introduction last week as my free choice, and I'm reading your first story this week. I hope it lives up to my grand expectations!
And it does! I really wish I was creative enough to write like this. My stories always seem to just tell what happened. They lack the description part, which you do quite well. I like the idea of going on the adventures with the Beatles. I've only started listening to their music quite recently, but I feel like they would be quite the characters to go on an adventure with! Your story was so good, I actually went and read The Hemp Smoker's Dream. Your author's note (in my opinion) could've been more specific. I'd like to know some of the specific elements from the dream that you used. That being said, I quite enjoyed your story (again), it definitely lived up to my expectations, and good luck on the rest of your storybook!
Lillian, I think your storybook may be the most interesting one I have read so far. The title alone made your story seem like it would be unique and interesting, and that is why I chose to read it. The design of your site fits your story perfectly- the bright yellow background and the abstract pattern go great with your first story. I think it is really cool that you chose to use the members of the Beatles as your characters also. Your writing is very descriptive and that makes it super easy to follow and really understand everything that is happening. I think it is really unique that you chose to write about the man’s experience with the drugs, especially since he grew up in the period when drugs were very popular with a big part of the population. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories in the future!
Fantastic job on the intro and first story of your storybook. I enjoyed it immensely and thought it was extremely well narrated; your description of the protagonist's experience is both vivid and tangible, and I thought this did wonders for making the story come to life.
Overall, I perceived your storybook to be one of the most creative I've seen. I liked how you followed the original story (the one about the bathhouse) so well, yet easily incorporated it into your own. It was a clever twist and was not abrupt, at all.
One of the things I enjoyed most about your first story was its diary-esque style. By telling the story in first person, I feel as though the protagonist is simply relating the events in his (?) own voice. It's easy to follow and very well done.
I look forward to seeing your future posts on this storybook.
What’s up, Lillian! I’m pretty excited to read your awesomely themed storybook. I think it’s really cool that when you chose this story you had your “aging hippie” persona in mind. That’s a really effective way to pick awesome stories that help further drive your story. Starting in a place of familiarity and then branching off into something a bit more obscure is great and way more fun! I think the dialogue you incorporated into you story was really great and added a lot to the storyline. The incorporation of Arabic was really interesting (if that what it was, just want to get that right). It added an entirely new and exciting mystery for the character to unravel. There were also great key elements form the original story that you incorporated into your retelling that helped with the flow and structure. Overall, I love the theme of this story. I’m sure there’s never a dull moment!
Lillian, I read your first story and thought it was great. I liked how you used abstract concepts to describe a generic setting. This was incredibly creative. For instance, in the beginning you said the setting began to morph. In addition, I liked that you used colors such as maroon and cerulean. To be honest, throughout the story I felt as if I was getting high reading this with all the abstraction haha.
As far as the narration I thought it was great. You kept the same humor and sarcasm that was used within the introduction. This could be difficult in writing, but you did it perfectly. So great job with that. I liked that the narrator gave the story no boring or dull moments. Overall, I thought you did a great job with this story and am looking forward to reading other installments within your storybook.
Hey Lillian! This storybook title stole my attention faster than any other! It is definitely the perfect title to reel in readers I would say! Also, I really love your background and choice of colors. You did a great job at creating a psychedelic environment as well as a 60s environment. Your introduction was very well written. You did a great job of giving a little backstory and explaining where the story was headed. The details you give are amazing. It almost make me feel like I'm tripping WITH him. As I was reading, I was wondering how it was going to tie into some of the myth and folk stories. You did a great job in this first story relating it back. I'm really impressed still with your idea for this storybook. I'm excited to read more stories that go into this storybook! It's coming along very nicely so far!
Hey, Lillian! You have such a creative storybook topic. Upon reading the introduction, I was instantly intrigued. I thought you added so much personality to the character you were embodying that it was really impressive and believable. On a side note, I assume you took the “screen shot” for the picture on the introduction, but I think you still have to provide the image information. Nevertheless, great transition to the first story! The second story was so vivid that I could almost imagine the scene unfolding. I thought it was such a good idea to bring along the Beatles for this adventure rather than just having your character on the adventure by himself. I feel like there’s a lot of potential by having those characters involved and a large margin for comic relief. The story was almost hazy to me since it wasn’t quite clear, but I think that was the goal considering the characters were high. Good job!
I like how you started out the introduction. The background for the blog certainly makes it fitting for what you are going to be continuing on with your story. I also thought the first picture fit perfectly with what you are going to write about. All of the bright and loud colors went perfectly with the theme. I also enjoyed the introduction. The story was intriguing and I wanted to read more. Though I will say, it might be helpful if you add a little more information to your introduction in order for the reader to know exactly what is going on. I certainly can’t wait to see what else you add on to the story because I am very excited to see what other stories you add to keep the storybook going. I think the picture you added in the introduction was a great addition as well. It goes so perfectly with the setting that it really helps the reader picture what is happening.
You have written such a cool story so far! Your title is perfect too. I really appreciated the creativity and uniqueness of your story. The website format was perfect for your story and really added some character and personality. I agree with Meghan that adding a little more information to your introduction will help the reader understand what is going on a little bit better. I thought your first chapter was really funny and was fun to read. I liked how you brought in the Beatles.
I think you are off to great start on your Storybook and I'm excited to see where you take the rest of it. I'm sure things will only get crazier on the yellow submarine. Thanks for the good read. It was super creative.
First off, I love the combo of sass and cheap wine!!! Freaking hilarious!
Your intro was pretty interesting. I liked how you lead into everything, and set it all up. I was very curious as to where this old man was going to go with buying a yellow submarine. It was definitely not a disappointment. You did such a fantastic job describing everything! All my senses were being used when I was reading this. I felt like I was tripping just reading about all the vivid colors. I also like how you incorporated the Beatles into this. Going from a lone smoker in the original story to blazing up with the Beatles is some imagination! I didn’t see any errors at all in your intro or story. I am excited to see where the yellow submarine will visit next. I will definitely be back to continue to read more of your stories.
I really like the design and layout of your blog. Being that this is a writing class, the books in the background fit well and kind of encourage the reader to read your stories. I like that you matched the brown of the books with the brown boxes on your page. I feel like if you did a different color, it would distract from your posts. I'm also glad you organized your posts by putting the labels on the side. Very easy to navigate. Good job!
Hi Lillian! The title of your storybook is so catchy I decided that I just had to read! I am in Professor Gibbs's Epics of India class, and I wanted to read some storybooks from her other class. I am so glad that I did! Your overall layout is so intriguing and captivating. Really easy to read and navigate! I loved your introduction. It was very interesting and well-written. You described the details very well, and I liked your image of the eBay screenshot! It made your overall storybook modern. Overall, I am so glad that I decided to read your storybook. Very creative and unique! Great job.
I really liked the first story. When I read your introduction, I was unsure of how you were going to keep going with the story. I also like how you took the story that you read and changed it. It fits really well into the storybook and once I realized what story was your inspiration, I immediately saw the connection.
You also used a lot of description and imagery, which is a very nice touch. The reader is able to picture the different scenes in the story that you wrote. I could almost picture the kaleidoscope of colors in front of the submarine, as I read your description of it.
I also think the background that you chose for your storybook is a great addition to the storybook. It really adds so much more to the storybook because of the color and pattern. It is the first thing you see when you open the storybook and add the rainbow photo to that, it is a great combination.
Lillian, Your story was not in my group this week but I was instantly drawn to it for three reasons. One: The title is great. Two: The word yellow is in your title and your layout is bright yellow and paisley. I greatly appreciate that because my favorite color is yellow and I happen to own a yellow blazer with the exact pattern of your layout in the inside of it. Three: In the third grade, my class and I had to learn and perform the song Yellow Submarine by The Beatles and it was freaking awesome. The description in your story is great. The way you describe the colors and the surroundings as the main character makes their first stop made me feel like I was there with them. Another thing that I liked was your dialogue. As I was reading it, I actually heard The Beatles’ voices in my head and I think this is because you stayed true to the way they would actually speak. Your concept is interesting and I like the direction your storybook is heading. Good job.
Wow! You have such an interesting project! I'm from the Indian Epics class, so I was looking for interesting Myth/Folklore projects to look through, and I was definitely curious about yours. The cover page is striking. So many colors. It definitely fits your theme. The whole thing is so, so creative. Narrating the story as an old hippie, and sending him in a yellow submarine time machine he bought on eBay with The Beatles themselves... There is definitely a lot of cool imagination stuff happening there. And it's not just a cool idea. The writing that goes with it is really good, too. The Introduction flowed really well into your first story, and I'm excited to see what comes next. You did a great job with the first one, tying an old story into this psychedelic time-travel plot. It seems to maintain a lot of the important themes of the original story, but you also made it your own, and it fits very well within your larger narrative. Great job, Lillian!
Hi Lillian! I do have to say that you definitely have one of the most eye-catching titles for your storybook. The colors you used for your website theme and the photo for the introduction post look phenomenal! It reminds of all of the technicolour art from the ‘60s. This does a great job of setting the tone for what your stories are about. You chose such a unique topic for this! Having an aged hippie going on a psychedelic time travel adventure with memorabilia from his favorite band smells like a recipe for some really interesting stories. You did a great job of making the protagonist seem like a relatable character too even though he seems like he would be so different. I also love how you write with a humorous tone to keep everything light-hearted; I especially liked the part about him writing conspiracy theory books about them. I can’t wait to see what kind of road he will go down!
I thought the stories so far were good reads! They definitely play on the satire that revolves around 60s drug culture (which is always a lark). I definitely like how whimsical you make the stories overall: you maintain the tone throughout the stories to make sure that no jarring details in style, setting or characters distracts readers who like to become immersed in stories. The fact that you can make the characters consistent throughout the story makes the whole narrative flow better.
One criticism I have would be the amount of deviation from the original work that your story takes. It was difficult for me to recognize the original tales that you're trying to convey in your retellings. This kind of made me question whether you had focused on writing about the tale itself and interpreting it, or whether you just decided to go on a tangent. It's a difficult balance, but something I would suggest for future stories would be to focus more on the original tale and drawing parallels.
Hey Lillian. I am reviewing your storybook for my extra credit this week. First off the thing that caught my eye about your storybook was the title. It is a great title, and I think most people don’t put enough effort into their titles. So the home page goes right along with the title as do the colors and the picture you have chosen. The layout is simple and easy to follow and there does not seem to be any breaks in the continuity of everything on the homepage. The picture on your introduction page is honestly hilarious and I think you have done a good job choosing it. The introduction itself was interesting I think it does a good job of hooking the reader so that they want to read more about the story. Also it does a nice job of setting up the rest of the storybook. Over all Good Job.
What is up Lillian!? I picked your Storybook for my commenting this week. I viewed your site pretty early on in the semester, so I'm excited to see what has changed and what you have added! Yay for reading more things. Again, Id like to comment on the amazing yellows you have used. I love The Beatles and when I was going through a poster phase as a team I had a huge on of the exact submarine you have one your page. I'm familiar with the basis of your site, so I'm going to go ahead and read your story titled 'The Second Stop'. First off, super cool story. It has great detail and an easy structure. After, reading the story I could tell a lot of it didn't come from the original, but I'm really glad you went into detail on the Author's Note. I think Texas was the perfect setting for this story. Well done!
Wow, your storybook caught my attention from the very beginning because of your clever title. Who wouldn't want to learn more about LSD in a Yellow Submarine? I have always loved The Beatles as well, so you grabbed my interest and made me eager to read. I like the layout of your blog because it met my expectations and actually exceeded them. The colors compliment each other and help contribute to the feeling of the stories.
I really enjoyed that your stories, particularly your introduction, is written in first person. This really helped me gain a deeper understanding of who the character is and get a grasp on his personality. I thought that your author's note in your first story was great because it helped me understand your intentions and inspiration for the story.
Overall, great job! Thanks for creating such a great project for us to enjoy.
Okay, so since it's technically the end of the class, I don't really have any critiques for you per say, but I did just want to drop by here and say seriously...job well done! I already read your introduction, but I came back because I hadn't gotten to read your first and second stories. I loved them both! I love me some Beatles, and I also love learning about conspiracy theories (and the one about Paul McCartney actually being dead is no different), so I loved that you included that in your story too. I thought it was interesting that each of your stories were connect by different types of drugs, which is obviously fitting for the use of the yellow submarine and The Beatles! Your Storybook rocked and was super creative! Loved reading it! Great job, Lillian ;)
I have already read your introduction and the first story. I came back and read the second story. I thought it was just as entertaining as the first two. First I will say that the image for the story is perfect. I love how you incorporated that into your storybook. Again, your storybook layout fits perfectly with the overall tone of the story.
This story was extremely well written. The narrative flows perfectly and I like the amount of detail you put within the story. The detail really enhances the overall experience of the story. In addition, I like that you included a description of what, more specifically what drug, inspired you to write this story. That is something different from any other Author's Notes I have read thus far in this class. The peyote angle was perfect. It was also great how you somehow incorporated a Tejas legend into this Beatle's acid trip-esque story.
Overall, your storybook is great and very entertaining. Great job with this project!
Hi Lillian! First, before I get into the nitty gritty of what I thought about your storybook introduction and cover page, I just have to say that I love the picture you put on this post. Alright, so I chose you as my free pass this week because I was immediately intrigued by your storybook title. I enjoy The Beatles and have seen The Yellow Submarine movie many times so I was curious to see if your title related to that because I couldn't see it relating to anything else. I was not disappointed! I love your website design and that picture on your cover page is awesome! As for your introduction, I am seriously excited to see where this goes! I've never read a storybook where the narrator is free-spirited and open to experimenting with mind-altering drugs. It's so cool that your whole storybook is going to be based on flashbacks from drug trips. I thought you did a great job and can't wait to read your next story!
ReplyDeleteSuch sass. Much wine. Where were you at when you took this picture? It looks much too classy to be anywhere in Oklahoma, but I could be wrong. Anywho, about the storybook: you were in my assigned project comments this week, but I'm glad I got someone with such an intriguing storybook project AND a great way of telling stories. To be honest, I'm not heavy into the Beatles, but I've always wanted to watch the Yellow Submarine because.... well, it definitely looks like a 'trip' (hahaha). I have no idea what your project is about, but so far from what I've read in the intro, it's going to be very memorable. Your writing style has a way of drawing the reader in and once I got to the end I was like, "Wait, what?! That can't be it! Give me MOAR!" Needless to say, I'm very excited for your next installment and can't wait to see where you take us!
ReplyDeleteAlrighty...where do I begin? First of all, I chose your Storybook as my free choice based solely on your Storybook title. I was thinking...What in the world is this storyline going to be about? Lol
ReplyDeleteSecond, I'm still wondering where your storyline is going, but I'm also excited to find out as you continue adding material to your site.
Next, your color choices & pictures absolutely fit perfectly with your Title. They are vivid and colorful (dare I say Psychodelic) and that's typically what a drug induced haze is all about, right?
Lastly, You have a way with words and an innate ability to draw your readers in with even the slightest tug. You had me intrigued just by your Title and even furthermore interested after reading your Introduction. Bravo to you!
I will most definitely become "addicted" to reading and rereading your story as it develops.
I chose your story as my free choice because the title caught my eyes. Right when I saw it I immediately thought of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and I was very happy when it involved The Beatles and along with rad 60’s print! You did an awesome job for creating an appealing site, style and story plot!
ReplyDeleteI feel like we need more information on this character so the reader can be hooked onto the story. I would make a big opening paragraph about the character in general and why he was interested in collecting The Beatles memorabilia. Also why does he write about conspiracy theories and what types of jobs has this man taken in his life? Why does he want to buy the submarine? Is he still a hippie? Does he still experiment in the drug world? By adding a few sentences to explain those it might create a greater attraction for the readers.
Hope these comments help and I can’t read to continue this story to find out what is going on with him!
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ReplyDeleteWine, always wine. Especially when it's out of a plastic bottle. So far this is easily the most fun and creative storybook yet. Awesome fun and bright color that stay true to The Beatles original theme and style during this period of time.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: First off, the voice of your character is very clear. Establishing that right away is very important. Without explaining it, I can see what this guy looks like, the clothes he wears, his house, his couch, what he watches on the TV. Everything about his personality has been established in such a short amount of text, which is awesome! Also, I love that you ended this section in a way that made me want to come back and read next week! The drug and cultural reference are what makes the story all encompassing of its style. I'm hooked! I hope you expand on the man's other blog "Paul is dead". A suggestion would be to name the name, it might help the audience connect even more with him.
First of all, can I just say that the name of your project is absolutely epic! I decided to read your project post as my one random free pick simply on the basis of the name of your title. I think effective titles should grab the readers attentions from the get go, as it is frequently the first impression. That being said your title is certainly effective so good job!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I love the layout of your project page. The bright colors and the art work you’ve selected really make your pages pop off the screen.
I can’t wait to see the direction you plan on taking with your project. I thought your introduction was very relaxed and well written as you eased into the starting elements of your project. I hope your project progresses well as you continue to expand on it and add more stories to this awesome idea!
I knew the second that I saw the title of your story I was going to find it interesting. The picture on the homepage, as well as the background and font color, all go perfectly with what you're going for. I'm also enormously interested in seeing the type of person that actually purchases a vintage yellow submarine and drives around in it. I thought you really brought out the interesting and borderline crazy aspects of your main character well with comments about things like Paul McCartney conspiracy theories and spelling the actual wording of LSD. I am very curious to see where the stories actually develop to. I never really thought about basing mine on something as recent as the Beatles, but I'm sure once you toss psychedelic drugs in there it will be plenty interesting haha. I'm also trying to imagine a man on LSD driving around actual streets in a yellow submarine car and it's honestly pretty frightening.
ReplyDeleteI decided to visit your blog after seeing the title of your portfolio. It was really eye catching and intriguing so great job with that! I’m excited to see what kinds of stories you post here because it seems like these will be extremely original and unique stories. I also really liked the design you chose for your LSD in a Yellow Submarine page. The colors are perfect for what it is and I really like the psychedelic yellow submarine picture that incorporates tons of color. I have to say, The Beatles is an all-time favorite, so is Sir Paul McCartney. You did a great job of drawing people into your portfolio. I also thought your comments wall page was pretty funny. Most people, myself included, just have a short bit about leaving comments but yours had a personal note which I enjoyed. But hey, there’s no shame in drinking wine out of a plastic bottle, we’ve all been there.
ReplyDeleteHey, Lillian! Firstly, I just want you to know that I chose your Storybook as my free choice because of how awesome your title is. Then I clicked on the link...and felt like I made the right decision even more. Your home page fits the title perfectly, and if someone ever decides they need to wake up a little bit, all they have to do is stare at that brightness for a little bit. It's great.
ReplyDeleteI also really loved your introduction. You just made it sound so real that I wouldn't be surprised if you had actually brought the submarine. Your writing style is full of wit and charm, and I can't wait to see what you come up with for the rest of your Storybook. The breaks in your paragraphs are perfectly spaced, and you seem to have a really strong grasp on grammar. Great job, and I can't wait to read more!
Like everyone else above me, I chose yours as the free choice for the project comments after seeing your title! I wanted to see how you made LSD fit into the design of your storybook, and you definitely succeeded with the bright yellow and psychedelic picture on the cover page!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is cleverly written and I can hear the words being spoken by an old man. Nice work on the technical details of the drugs he's used with LSD and MDA. I'd never heard of MDA, so I figured you had meant the much more common MDMA, but after a quick Google they're apparently different! I try to learn something new every day, and this happened to be the one thing I've learned today! So thanks for that! I like how you tied his old ways into the new world he lives in by contrasting buying things on eBay to his former sex, drugs and rock n' roll lifestyle. Awesome work so far!
I was (apparently) one of many who chose to read your storybook for the free choice project comments, and I feel like I'm reiterating a lot of what was already said, but your bright yellow background and trippy homepage picture certainly made me want to read your story. Your introduction was quite interesting, and that was quite the impulse buy... If only I had enough money to consider £30,000 an impulse buy. My main suggestion for content is that you combine paragraphs four and five, as well as six and seven. For either of those suggested combinations, there is no change of topic between the two paragraphs, so I feel that combining them would make the story flow a bit better. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your story so far, and I look forward to reading what happened next. (Great lead-in to what comes next, by the way.)
ReplyDeleteYou were my free choice story board comment because the title immediately grabbed my attention. I thought the story was great and the character had an awesome sense of humor. I liked that you gave the scientific names for the drugs to prove that the character was sarcastic, but an actual dope head.
ReplyDeleteThe set up of your page fits perfectly with your title and content. It kept me entertained and made the reading a lot easier to scroll through. I'm excited to read more of your story as it is definitely interesting.
Hello my sass master friend! I couldn't go through this entire class and not comment on SOMETHING of yours, so naturally, I had to choose your storybook because, well...obvious reasons. The fact that you incorporated The Beatles and LSD into your storyline - genius. I love the background, couldn't be more perfect for the idea you're gearing up for. I also loved the picture of the eBay ad. Also, the whole mention of the Paul McCartney "Paul is Dead" conspiracy thing is hilarious. There's a "mockumentary" about that entire conspiracy, and let me tell you, it's awesome. You should watch it. You basically nailed the grammar, paragraph transitions, and all that jazz, so there's not a whole lot that I can suggest to you to change. You can betcha I'll be back to check out your next few stories. Keep on keepin' on, my grilled cheese makin' friend! P.S. That insta looks awfully familiar ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay sorry for the multiple comments, but I forgot to mention the fact that you used the drug's full chemical names was an excellent choice. #sciencegeeks #microbiologynerds
ReplyDeleteO my goodness! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your home page!!!!! It is so bright and retro. It’s wonderful.
ReplyDeleteYour title is so intriguing. As the reader you have already drawn me in with the homepage and the title.
Ha ha this is awesome!! Your character development is incredible. I can perfectly picture this man in my head and already have started figuring out how he thinks. I truly can’t wait to see what his experiences are on his new yellow submarine bicycle will be. I think this introduction perfectly introduces your main character, storybook topic, and next story.
I find myself wondering how you came up with this character.
Having never done drugs myself, I find this story culturally enlightening. I don’t know what an LSD vision would even begin to look like so I’m excited to find out something new (without having to physically damage my brain or go to jail).
Lillian! Hey sister friend! I have been so excited to look at your storybook since I saw the name of it. Pretty super cool to make your storybook based off of psychedelics and the sort. Also, pretty pumped you included the scientific names of the drugs (so science, much chemistry).
ReplyDeleteI really like how your stories are featuring the Beatles characters in them. Such a cool aspect. I like that it seems like you're keeping a very light and fun attitude and tone throughout the book. It really echoes with the effects of the drugs you are writing about and makes the stories and the theme seem so cohesive.
There were a couple of grammar errors in the first story that I noticed, I think you left out a "that" in one of the first sentences, and I think in the phrase "eddy and flow" eddy should be ebb? Not a tide enthusiast haha so I might be wrong on that one. Other than that your writing looks great, and I'm really excited to read the rest of your stories!
#storybook #science #grass #drugs #drug #beatles #thebeatles (lolz)
You were in my assigned group but I was immediately interested in your story based solely on the title. I figured that the story would be fairly interesting. I'll start with your home page. I have to say that I absolutely love that picture! It is quite trippy but fits in perfectly with your theme. I also think that you chose the perfect background to go with your story. I read your introduction and your first story. I felt a little lost after the introductory story. I think that adding just a little more detail about who the main character is would help with understanding the story. Other than that, I really enjoyed this crazy adventure that it appears the guy is going to have. I am interested to know what happens beyond the first story. I will definitely have to return to your storybook once you have added more to it. It seems like it is going to be really good.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I read your introduction last week as my free choice, and I'm reading your first story this week. I hope it lives up to my grand expectations!
ReplyDeleteAnd it does! I really wish I was creative enough to write like this. My stories always seem to just tell what happened. They lack the description part, which you do quite well. I like the idea of going on the adventures with the Beatles. I've only started listening to their music quite recently, but I feel like they would be quite the characters to go on an adventure with! Your story was so good, I actually went and read The Hemp Smoker's Dream. Your author's note (in my opinion) could've been more specific. I'd like to know some of the specific elements from the dream that you used. That being said, I quite enjoyed your story (again), it definitely lived up to my expectations, and good luck on the rest of your storybook!
Lillian, I think your storybook may be the most interesting one I have read so far. The title alone made your story seem like it would be unique and interesting, and that is why I chose to read it. The design of your site fits your story perfectly- the bright yellow background and the abstract pattern go great with your first story. I think it is really cool that you chose to use the members of the Beatles as your characters also. Your writing is very descriptive and that makes it super easy to follow and really understand everything that is happening. I think it is really unique that you chose to write about the man’s experience with the drugs, especially since he grew up in the period when drugs were very popular with a big part of the population. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteLillian,
ReplyDeleteFantastic job on the intro and first story of your storybook. I enjoyed it immensely and thought it was extremely well narrated; your description of the protagonist's experience is both vivid and tangible, and I thought this did wonders for making the story come to life.
Overall, I perceived your storybook to be one of the most creative I've seen. I liked how you followed the original story (the one about the bathhouse) so well, yet easily incorporated it into your own. It was a clever twist and was not abrupt, at all.
One of the things I enjoyed most about your first story was its diary-esque style. By telling the story in first person, I feel as though the protagonist is simply relating the events in his (?) own voice. It's easy to follow and very well done.
I look forward to seeing your future posts on this storybook.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s up, Lillian! I’m pretty excited to read your awesomely themed storybook. I think it’s really cool that when you chose this story you had your “aging hippie” persona in mind. That’s a really effective way to pick awesome stories that help further drive your story. Starting in a place of familiarity and then branching off into something a bit more obscure is great and way more fun! I think the dialogue you incorporated into you story was really great and added a lot to the storyline. The incorporation of Arabic was really interesting (if that what it was, just want to get that right). It added an entirely new and exciting mystery for the character to unravel. There were also great key elements form the original story that you incorporated into your retelling that helped with the flow and structure. Overall, I love the theme of this story. I’m sure there’s never a dull moment!
Lillian, I read your first story and thought it was great. I liked how you used abstract concepts to describe a generic setting. This was incredibly creative. For instance, in the beginning you said the setting began to morph. In addition, I liked that you used colors such as maroon and cerulean. To be honest, throughout the story I felt as if I was getting high reading this with all the abstraction haha.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the narration I thought it was great. You kept the same humor and sarcasm that was used within the introduction. This could be difficult in writing, but you did it perfectly. So great job with that. I liked that the narrator gave the story no boring or dull moments. Overall, I thought you did a great job with this story and am looking forward to reading other installments within your storybook.
Hey Lillian!
ReplyDeleteThis storybook title stole my attention faster than any other! It is definitely the perfect title to reel in readers I would say!
Also, I really love your background and choice of colors. You did a great job at creating a psychedelic environment as well as a 60s environment.
Your introduction was very well written. You did a great job of giving a little backstory and explaining where the story was headed.
The details you give are amazing. It almost make me feel like I'm tripping WITH him.
As I was reading, I was wondering how it was going to tie into some of the myth and folk stories. You did a great job in this first story relating it back. I'm really impressed still with your idea for this storybook.
I'm excited to read more stories that go into this storybook! It's coming along very nicely so far!
Hey, Lillian! You have such a creative storybook topic. Upon reading the introduction, I was instantly intrigued. I thought you added so much personality to the character you were embodying that it was really impressive and believable. On a side note, I assume you took the “screen shot” for the picture on the introduction, but I think you still have to provide the image information. Nevertheless, great transition to the first story! The second story was so vivid that I could almost imagine the scene unfolding. I thought it was such a good idea to bring along the Beatles for this adventure rather than just having your character on the adventure by himself. I feel like there’s a lot of potential by having those characters involved and a large margin for comic relief. The story was almost hazy to me since it wasn’t quite clear, but I think that was the goal considering the characters were high. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLillian,
ReplyDeleteI like how you started out the introduction. The background for the blog certainly makes it fitting for what you are going to be continuing on with your story. I also thought the first picture fit perfectly with what you are going to write about. All of the bright and loud colors went perfectly with the theme. I also enjoyed the introduction. The story was intriguing and I wanted to read more. Though I will say, it might be helpful if you add a little more information to your introduction in order for the reader to know exactly what is going on. I certainly can’t wait to see what else you add on to the story because I am very excited to see what other stories you add to keep the storybook going. I think the picture you added in the introduction was a great addition as well. It goes so perfectly with the setting that it really helps the reader picture what is happening.
Hello Lillian,
ReplyDeleteYou have written such a cool story so far! Your title is perfect too. I really appreciated the creativity and uniqueness of your story. The website format was perfect for your story and really added some character and personality. I agree with Meghan that adding a little more information to your introduction will help the reader understand what is going on a little bit better. I thought your first chapter was really funny and was fun to read. I liked how you brought in the Beatles.
I think you are off to great start on your Storybook and I'm excited to see where you take the rest of it. I'm sure things will only get crazier on the yellow submarine. Thanks for the good read. It was super creative.
First off, I love the combo of sass and cheap wine!!! Freaking hilarious!
ReplyDeleteYour intro was pretty interesting. I liked how you lead into everything, and set it all up. I was very curious as to where this old man was going to go with buying a yellow submarine. It was definitely not a disappointment. You did such a fantastic job describing everything! All my senses were being used when I was reading this. I felt like I was tripping just reading about all the vivid colors. I also like how you incorporated the Beatles into this. Going from a lone smoker in the original story to blazing up with the Beatles is some imagination! I didn’t see any errors at all in your intro or story. I am excited to see where the yellow submarine will visit next. I will definitely be back to continue to read more of your stories.
Hi Lillian!
ReplyDeleteI really like the design and layout of your blog. Being that this is a writing class, the books in the background fit well and kind of encourage the reader to read your stories. I like that you matched the brown of the books with the brown boxes on your page. I feel like if you did a different color, it would distract from your posts. I'm also glad you organized your posts by putting the labels on the side. Very easy to navigate. Good job!
Hi Lillian! The title of your storybook is so catchy I decided that I just had to read! I am in Professor Gibbs's Epics of India class, and I wanted to read some storybooks from her other class. I am so glad that I did! Your overall layout is so intriguing and captivating. Really easy to read and navigate! I loved your introduction. It was very interesting and well-written. You described the details very well, and I liked your image of the eBay screenshot! It made your overall storybook modern. Overall, I am so glad that I decided to read your storybook. Very creative and unique! Great job.
ReplyDeleteLillian,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the first story. When I read your introduction, I was unsure of how you were going to keep going with the story. I also like how you took the story that you read and changed it. It fits really well into the storybook and once I realized what story was your inspiration, I immediately saw the connection.
You also used a lot of description and imagery, which is a very nice touch. The reader is able to picture the different scenes in the story that you wrote. I could almost picture the kaleidoscope of colors in front of the submarine, as I read your description of it.
I also think the background that you chose for your storybook is a great addition to the storybook. It really adds so much more to the storybook because of the color and pattern. It is the first thing you see when you open the storybook and add the rainbow photo to that, it is a great combination.
Lillian,
ReplyDeleteYour story was not in my group this week but I was instantly drawn to it for three reasons. One: The title is great. Two: The word yellow is in your title and your layout is bright yellow and paisley. I greatly appreciate that because my favorite color is yellow and I happen to own a yellow blazer with the exact pattern of your layout in the inside of it. Three: In the third grade, my class and I had to learn and perform the song Yellow Submarine by The Beatles and it was freaking awesome. The description in your story is great. The way you describe the colors and the surroundings as the main character makes their first stop made me feel like I was there with them. Another thing that I liked was your dialogue. As I was reading it, I actually heard The Beatles’ voices in my head and I think this is because you stayed true to the way they would actually speak. Your concept is interesting and I like the direction your storybook is heading. Good job.
Lillian,
ReplyDeleteWow! You have such an interesting project! I'm from the Indian Epics class, so I was looking for interesting Myth/Folklore projects to look through, and I was definitely curious about yours. The cover page is striking. So many colors. It definitely fits your theme. The whole thing is so, so creative. Narrating the story as an old hippie, and sending him in a yellow submarine time machine he bought on eBay with The Beatles themselves... There is definitely a lot of cool imagination stuff happening there. And it's not just a cool idea. The writing that goes with it is really good, too. The Introduction flowed really well into your first story, and I'm excited to see what comes next. You did a great job with the first one, tying an old story into this psychedelic time-travel plot. It seems to maintain a lot of the important themes of the original story, but you also made it your own, and it fits very well within your larger narrative. Great job, Lillian!
Hi Lillian! I do have to say that you definitely have one of the most eye-catching titles for your storybook. The colors you used for your website theme and the photo for the introduction post look phenomenal! It reminds of all of the technicolour art from the ‘60s. This does a great job of setting the tone for what your stories are about. You chose such a unique topic for this! Having an aged hippie going on a psychedelic time travel adventure with memorabilia from his favorite band smells like a recipe for some really interesting stories. You did a great job of making the protagonist seem like a relatable character too even though he seems like he would be so different. I also love how you write with a humorous tone to keep everything light-hearted; I especially liked the part about him writing conspiracy theory books about them. I can’t wait to see what kind of road he will go down!
ReplyDeleteI thought the stories so far were good reads! They definitely play on the satire that revolves around 60s drug culture (which is always a lark). I definitely like how whimsical you make the stories overall: you maintain the tone throughout the stories to make sure that no jarring details in style, setting or characters distracts readers who like to become immersed in stories. The fact that you can make the characters consistent throughout the story makes the whole narrative flow better.
ReplyDeleteOne criticism I have would be the amount of deviation from the original work that your story takes. It was difficult for me to recognize the original tales that you're trying to convey in your retellings. This kind of made me question whether you had focused on writing about the tale itself and interpreting it, or whether you just decided to go on a tangent. It's a difficult balance, but something I would suggest for future stories would be to focus more on the original tale and drawing parallels.
Hey Lillian. I am reviewing your storybook for my extra credit this week. First off the thing that caught my eye about your storybook was the title. It is a great title, and I think most people don’t put enough effort into their titles. So the home page goes right along with the title as do the colors and the picture you have chosen. The layout is simple and easy to follow and there does not seem to be any breaks in the continuity of everything on the homepage. The picture on your introduction page is honestly hilarious and I think you have done a good job choosing it. The introduction itself was interesting I think it does a good job of hooking the reader so that they want to read more about the story. Also it does a nice job of setting up the rest of the storybook. Over all Good Job.
ReplyDeleteWhat is up Lillian!? I picked your Storybook for my commenting this week. I viewed your site pretty early on in the semester, so I'm excited to see what has changed and what you have added! Yay for reading more things. Again, Id like to comment on the amazing yellows you have used. I love The Beatles and when I was going through a poster phase as a team I had a huge on of the exact submarine you have one your page. I'm familiar with the basis of your site, so I'm going to go ahead and read your story titled 'The Second Stop'. First off, super cool story. It has great detail and an easy structure. After, reading the story I could tell a lot of it didn't come from the original, but I'm really glad you went into detail on the Author's Note. I think Texas was the perfect setting for this story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Lillian!
ReplyDeleteWow, your storybook caught my attention from the very beginning because of your clever title. Who wouldn't want to learn more about LSD in a Yellow Submarine? I have always loved The Beatles as well, so you grabbed my interest and made me eager to read. I like the layout of your blog because it met my expectations and actually exceeded them. The colors compliment each other and help contribute to the feeling of the stories.
I really enjoyed that your stories, particularly your introduction, is written in first person. This really helped me gain a deeper understanding of who the character is and get a grasp on his personality. I thought that your author's note in your first story was great because it helped me understand your intentions and inspiration for the story.
Overall, great job! Thanks for creating such a great project for us to enjoy.
Okay, so since it's technically the end of the class, I don't really have any critiques for you per say, but I did just want to drop by here and say seriously...job well done! I already read your introduction, but I came back because I hadn't gotten to read your first and second stories. I loved them both! I love me some Beatles, and I also love learning about conspiracy theories (and the one about Paul McCartney actually being dead is no different), so I loved that you included that in your story too. I thought it was interesting that each of your stories were connect by different types of drugs, which is obviously fitting for the use of the yellow submarine and The Beatles! Your Storybook rocked and was super creative! Loved reading it! Great job, Lillian ;)
ReplyDeleteLillian,
ReplyDeleteI have already read your introduction and the first story. I came back and read the second story. I thought it was just as entertaining as the first two. First I will say that the image for the story is perfect. I love how you incorporated that into your storybook. Again, your storybook layout fits perfectly with the overall tone of the story.
This story was extremely well written. The narrative flows perfectly and I like the amount of detail you put within the story. The detail really enhances the overall experience of the story. In addition, I like that you included a description of what, more specifically what drug, inspired you to write this story. That is something different from any other Author's Notes I have read thus far in this class. The peyote angle was perfect. It was also great how you somehow incorporated a Tejas legend into this Beatle's acid trip-esque story.
Overall, your storybook is great and very entertaining. Great job with this project!